treatise on reverse vampires

i can only write what i know, and what i know about reverse vampires is - as follows.
reverse vampires wake at the crack of dawn and go to bed at sundown. this is not to be confused with elderfolks who may do the same because they're just old!
you would think that because reverse vampires are awake during normal business hours that this would make them well suited to fit seamlessly into the post-industrial business environment. SO YOU WOULD THINK! not so, friend. the reverse vampire does not feel on blood but on their own self-loathing, ass-to-couch contact and daytime TV. they may or may not be able to pay rent, because they haven't been to work in 2 weeks, because of a non-specific phantom medical condition and make promises about getting on top of buying paper towels for the house.
beeeeewaaaaaaare the reverse vampire.